This dissertation comes from a comment by a friend
"Love is suffering"
When I read this I felt the needed to share a
Deep vision of true and unconditional LOVE
With which I identify myself.
Please read it carefully if you find it necessary to come back for a few days
Then read it again.
Taken from a seminar titled "On Love" with Swami Dayananda in Toronto, 07/27/85.
Translation Marco Andre
Love and the Mind that is with You Same
Swami Dayananda Saraswati
Vedanta is a teaching about the nature of the individual himself, through which the
Person discovers that the true meaning of the word 'I' is the Self, whose nature is
Absolute contentment and love, free from any sense of limitation. To appreciate
To yourself in these terms, it is necessary that your mind can be with itself,
Possessing in relative measure what he wishes to discover in absolute terms.
Because 'I' is absolute contentment, your mind needs to be relatively satisfied,
Capable of a certain contentment in itself. Because 'I' is absolute love, you
Also needs to be a relatively loving person, able to accept people and
Objects as they are. An intractable person, without love, will not discover Being, for the
Your mind will always be agitated, and therefore will never be with itself.
How then could you acquire a mind that enjoyed a relative contentment, remaining with itself, and therefore being able to love? Can a mind that is with itself be obtained through the love you have for another person? If the love you develop for someone else is a more permanent, tolerant love, does not that mean that your mind is still, tolerant? We will see how the love you have for another person alone can not create a calm and tolerant mind.
First you need to have a calm, tolerant mind, able to be with yourself before you can easily discover a more permanent love for someone. Therefore, a mind capable of being with itself will serve you in two ways: by helping you to qualify for the teaching of Vedanta and enabling you to discover a more permanent love in your relationship with another person.
Love for another person is something that you discover inside, when that person pleases you. You can not decide to love someone, for love is not an action to be performed. If it was, when someone asked "please love me," you could then decide to love the person tomorrow.
With regard to action there is this threefold freedom: to do, not to do, or to do otherwise. But with reference to love, this freedom does not exist, for love does not depend on our will. Therefore, love can only be discovered in yourself.
Moreover, an object of love, be it a person, an animal or an inanimate object, does not have the innate ability to evoke in me this emotion which we call "love." If it were so, this object would create love in any person and in you all the time. But that's not the way it happens. For that same person that you see yourself out of love with so much, you eventually say, "We'd better take some time," meaning your love is gone. Love, in fact, has nothing to do with any object you love, but it is in you, the subject.
Their particular tastes and aversions are what determine what and who will be the object of their love, their anger and their indifference. But the reason you love someone is not because of that person, but because of yourself; Because it pleases him. So by saying "I love you," you're really saying "I like you right now." It is as if you love your being satisfied. Any object or person that evokes in you this being satisfied becomes then the object of your love.
In order for someone to be satisfied through another person, it must fulfill some of their particular likes and dislikes, which are highly subjective and change from one moment to the next. In some situations you find yourself satisfied, but everything is in the hands of fate. And usually, at some point, that person does not like you or you, because no one can actually fill all the mutant likes and dislikes of another person all the time. When "being satisfied" is gone, the object of love becomes an object of indifference or even anger. Therefore, it will not be through love for another person that the mind will qualify to be with itself.
If the love you discover for another person will or will not become a more permanent love, it is impossible to know. Marriage vows exist precisely because we really do not have the means to know whether or not a love will last. We often fail to keep our promises, because being satisfied is not easy and satisfying another person is equally difficult. When you find yourself satisfied with someone and you discover a love for that person, you become overwhelmed by your passion, you ignore the other person's limitations, for at that moment they mean nothing to you. As long as they stay that way, no matter what, that person will seem to have something that pleases him, and love is very natural then. At the same time, you are a person with your own anger, resentment, hurt, guilt ... that will not disappear just because you are loving. Love does exist, yes, with reference to that person, but with reference to your employer, your mother-in-law, your government, your economic system, you are the same angry person as before the discovery of that love. Because you have several things irritating you, the anger will always be in your heart, although not always expressed. When the freshness of the love you discovered is gone, your anger begins to infiltrate the relationship. It is when you begin to see the other person's limitations with reference to their own expectations. If you are not a naturally loving person, who first of all possess a mind fit to be with yourself, you will not be able to discover a more permanent love in any relationship with another person. This is like waiting for only your nose to be healthy, when the whole system is in disharmony. It is necessary to deal with the system as a whole. Arrangements made in the relationship will not really solve, unless you completely change your own way of being. Sooner or later, the angry person will give vent to his anger. Any technique for improving the relationship will do so temporarily. To discover a more permanent love in relationship with someone, you need a mind fit to be with yourself.
Possessing a mind that is capable of being with oneself involves the acquisition of certain values and attitudes and being clear about its importance. With these values at your disposal, you are ensuring the right conditions to be able to love. Accommodating the other person is one of these values. In fact, your anger is due to lack of accommodation because you expect everyone to behave according to your expectations. In order to develop a value by accommodating people, one fact must be clearly understood: the other person acts in a specific way because he is incapable of acting otherwise. "He could have done better," you say. If he could, he would have done it then. What right do you have to demand that the other person act according to your expectations? Would not she then have the same right to expect of you another way of being? After all, if you changed, she would not have to change.
If you have the right to expect a change from the other person, it also has the same right to expect you to let it live as it is. In fact, just by accommodating other people, just by allowing them to be as they are, you can gain relative freedom in your daily life. If you look at it from a broader perspective, everyone interferes in the lives of others. In general, you look at situations from a more limited perspective and you see a person taking on a large figure, with their influence seeming to become too strong. In fact, you are never free from the influence of any other person or from all the forces of the universe with regard to your physical body. Nor is it possible to perform an action or even affirm something without being, in one way or another, affecting someone. Therefore, no one is really free, since we are all interrelated.
Even Swami is not free. When I went to the zoo here, two people passing by me commented: "You saw the new species." I try not to bother people, but it's inevitable, even for my clothes. I dress thus because in my country these are the traditional robes of a renouncer; When I come here, I want to introduce myself in this way. This my decision will definitely affect someone. If I am disturbed by the comments, it is only because I allow them to disturb me. So I only have the freedom that they give me. However, if I reverse the process, granting them the freedom to be what they are and to think what they think, then I will be free. You have as much freedom as you give to others. I see myself as free, and I leave you free to have your problems. So I do not need to fight with you. My freedom can only be equated with what I can give you to have an opinion about me. When someone sees my clothes and asks "what is this anyway?" I can only smile and say, "Halloween has arrived earlier this year". It is not necessary for me to change your opinion, even though it may be incorrect. I grant you the freedom to be who he is. The only freedom I have is not to bother with your opinions.
Thus, you strike accounts with yourself psychologically as a personality, what we call yoga sadhana. You can not avoid psychology because you need to organize yourself as a personality. It is not the case of extinction of vasanas or impressions, there is only an understanding that there are some problems. Look at your past life and reconsider those situations, people, and events that really hurt you. What you see are not just memories, but forgotten reactions. A reaction is not something you do consciously. Consciously you can not be angry, because anger is not an action, it is a reaction that presents itself when you have no control over the situation. These reactions create a great impact on you by becoming part of your psyche. From an individuality, the reactions create a personality. They are ultimately false and are due to a lack of attention on their part. They have no real roots in the mind. In itself, memory is not something unpleasant. The nasty thing is the hanging reactions that have become like real ones. So bring to mind those people and moments that have caused you some kind of nuisance or who you bothered and from whom you carry a certain sense of guilt. In the meditation seat, remember all of them and allow them to be as they are. When you look at the blue sky, the stars and the birds and the mountains, you have nothing to complain about; You see yourself satisfied and happy. None of these things do anything to please you and yet you are happy because you do not want them to be different than they are. You accept them as they are, and therefore you are satisfied. The river runs its own way. You do not want the water volume to be larger or your flow goes in a different direction. You, in fact, seek out these natural points because they do not evoke that unsatisfied person you seem to be, angry, hard to please. That unsatisfied, demanding nature in you does not appear. You are one with the situation, you accommodate what happens without the world having to do anything to please you.
This is the point at which transformation must take place. See yourself as a satisfied person with reference to these few things and then bring this satisfied person to deal with all the situations and people you disliked and that you also displeased at one time or another. Accept yourself as you accept the stars, the birds and the mountains. Pray for a change if you think the other person needs to change or do what you can to help her change. But first, set them up as they are. Only then can you truly transform yourself as a person. No matter how much Vedanta you study. Unless you fully accommodate other people, it will not work for you. You will have only a feeling that there is something hidden, yet to be discovered.
You want to change others to be free, this never works.
Accept other people fully and you will then be free.
Only then will you discover the love that is yourself.
Original text at http://www.vidyamandir.org.br/swamiamor.htm